Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
