News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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