Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
