He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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