If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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