you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
