This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Drunk is a universal language darling
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
