Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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