I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
