So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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