hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
