That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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