From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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