i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
