I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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