I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
