Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
