if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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