Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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