Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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