According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
