My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
