Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
