so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
