woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
