and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
