well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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