Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
