So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
