speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
