cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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