the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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