I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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