Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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