If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
soo... how was my night?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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