So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
