the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
