what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
