you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
