and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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