Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
look no pants
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
