how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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