I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
