Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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