So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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