i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
