i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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