i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
