I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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