how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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