Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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