OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
