If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
