Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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