I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
