I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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