here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
