Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
