Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
