Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
