we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
