I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We need a shit load of segways right now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
