Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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