mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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