Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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