i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
