nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
