there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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