I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
