I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
