i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
