**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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