went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
