There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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