Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
