Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
