if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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